Pregnancy...

This pregnancy has been a very interesting experience for me. I have learned much about myself and who I want to be. Pregnancy is a beautiful and miraculous event to experience, but it is also very difficult, or at least it has been for me.

Each day I wake up to a baby kicking me in the belly. It is delightful and I am so grateful for those bonding moments with this sweet girl. I enjoy singing to her, telling her stories about her daddy, patting her little bum, and just day dreaming about her.

It hasn't all been pleasurable though. I have had several side effects that have caused me great pain and have added to my seasonal blues. (the prolonged sub zero temperatures also added to it.). At times I did not know if I could make it to 40 weeks. Making a baby is hard work. It was difficult for me to work full time, be a wife, be a member of my church, be a home maker, to just be me. I lost myself. I was confused. Who was I? But I have made it through with the support of my family, my husband, and my friends. Most of all I made it through because my Heavenly Father carried me when I could no longer put one foot in front of the other.

My eyes have been opened to my potential and to my abilities. I can handle more than I ever though possible. The journey of pregnancy, and of life for that matter, is not over yet and I have much to experience, but I know that if I keep my faith and I trust in those who love me, I can make it through.

This is important for me to remember as I finish the final days of my pregnancy, because at this point, I am growing impatient. Today is my due date and I know that my family has a history of delivering babies TWO weeks after their due date. That thought does not sound too bad. I mean I made it 9 months, I can go another two weeks.

The thing is, I have been experiencing contractions for the past 2 months. And in the past three weeks I have had three or four times where I thought I was in the beginning stages of labor. We are talking contractions becoming more painful and regular and building for a couple of hours.....then nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything ceases and no labor begins. I am not really even dilated or effaced, which doesn't mean much really until you are in actual labor, but you would think something was happening with those contractions. Each time I have a false alarm, I go through an emotional roller coaster ride of excitement, nerves, fear, sheer joy, and then disappointment that there will not be a baby yet.

The other end of my impatience is seeing pictures of all my friends and family having their babies before me even though they are due after me. I see their smiling faces holding their brand new babes and I yearn to hold my baby in my arms and see what she looks like, to feed her, to groom her, to kiss her, to stroke her little cheeks. I yearn to be a mother.

Then I stop and think how many of my friends at this exact moment are thinking those exact thoughts. Except they are struggling much more profoundly. They are yearning for a child that may never come. They are struggling with infertility. The are sorrowing more deeply than I will ever understand at this point in my life. They may never get to experience the joys I have experienced in pregnancy. And I want to hug them, I want to be there for them, I want to cry with them, and I want to support them. I hope they know just how much I love them and pray for them. I may not understand how they feel, but I do know that they are in emotional pain, and I want to be there for them.

I am so grateful for pregnancy. For the miracle of life. And I am excited to give birth to this child. Being a mother has been my goal for so long and it is really happening now. It will be difficult, and I will not always succeed at being an A+ parent, but I have a husband who will be right along side me helping me to be a better mother. Pedro has been so supportive and patient with me as I have experienced my highs and lows of pregnancy. He has listened to every complaint like a champion. And he has encouraged me and shown so much excitement for this sweet baby of ours. He will be the best daddy and I feel so blessed to have him at my side forever.

Hopefully my next post will be pictures of our sweet baby girl, freshly sent from Heaven. She has already blessed our lives beyond measure, and I know that she will be the perfect addition to our family.

(pregnancy picture progression. I really wanted to see how we have grown together in one spot, so some of these are repeats)

21 weeks (This is the week we found out we were having a baby girl!)

24 week

28 weeks

30 weeks

32 weeks

34 weeks

36 weeks

37 weeks

38 weeks

39 weeks

40 weeks

And here are the 2 extra weeks after I originally posted this story....

41 weeks

42 weeks