Happiness. . .

While Reading "Uncle John's Fast-Acting, Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader" I discovered two great pages.

The first page: Quotes about the definition of happiness.

•  "Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory."- Albert Schweitzer 
• "Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• " The grande essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Allan K. Chalmers, artist
• "Happiness is a Swedish sunset, it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and loose it." - Mark Twain
• "Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill." - Johnny Carson
• "Happiness is unrepentant pleasure." - Socrates
• "Happiness is a way station between too little and too much." - Channing Pollock
• "Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." - Nathaniel Hawthorne
• " Happiness, at my age, is breathing." - Joan Rivers
• "Happiness is never stopping to think if you are. " - Palmer Sondreal
• "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mohandas K. Gandhi
• "The fact is always obvious too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy a liquid." - J.D. Salinger
• "Real happiness is cheap enough, yet how dearly we pay for its counterfeit." - Hosea Ballou, minister

And my definition for happiness today is being able to laugh out loud at the contents in this book while on the pot. 

The second page: Warning labels from least to most funny.

• On a graduation gown: "Do not wash or dry clean"
• On a hammer: "Do not use to strike any solid object"
• On a video game console: "Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury"
• On a bottle of aspirin: "Do not take if allergic to aspirin"
• On a can of insect spray: "Harmful for bees"
• On children's cough syrup: "Do not drive car or operate machinery"
• On a life-saving device: "This is not a life-saving device" 
• On garden furniture: " Keep away from damp and sunlight"
• On a box of sleeping pills: "May cause drowsiness"
• On a milk bottle: "After opening, keep upright."
• On a bag of peanuts: "This product contains nuts"
• On a birthday card: "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less"
• On a motorcycle mirror: "Objects in mirror are actually behind you"
• On a tv remote control: "Not dishwasher safe"
• On a water heater: "If building in which heater resides in on fire, do not go into building"
• On an iron: "Never iron clothes on the body"
• On a mattress: "Do not attempt to swallow"
• On a curling iron: "For external use only"

And for the top two warning labels that made me almost fall off the toilet:

• On a wristwatch: "This is not underwear. Do not put in pants"
• On a chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals"

Oh man! I hope you got a laugh out of these because I sure did! The last two are just hilarious, but especially that chainsaw one! Believe me, I will follow that label!